Maxine’s Broken States

Chapter One

Maxine stared at herself in the broken mirror, admiring her handywork. The outfit was finished. She wanted to say it was complete, but she felt she was missing something. Or maybe the beard just had to go. She always thought her beard looked out of place, but her father insisted that men of class wore beards. Whenever he said that, she had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. Her family wasn’t “men of class”; they were servants to them.

Maxine pushed the thought out of her head and looked at the clothing instead of her face. The suit was done, and it looked good. It was the first time she felt confident about her creation. The royal purple jacket was snug on her torso, but not tight. Under the jacket she wore a button up white shirt she had not made. It fit her well but needed something to make it look more feminine. She wasn’t sure how to change it, as she still had to wear it day to day. Making obvious changes to her work clothing meant her parents might see, and she couldn’t risk that. Maxine sighed, pushed her thoughts out of her mind, and continued looking at her handywork.

The fabric for the outfit came from her suits. The ones her parents bought, thinking she was a boy. Years ago, when she was maybe three or four, she told her mother she wanted to wear dresses, that dresses looked prettier than suits. It was one of her earliest memories. She vaguely remembered her father overhearing and stating that men wore suits and women wore dresses. A few years later, Maxine understood she was not a man, but a woman. She tried to tell her mother and stuck to the same thing: she wanted to wear dresses.

This time, Maxine informed her mother of this when they were alone. Her mother looked at her and shook her head gravely. “Your father would never allow that, Jerome. Please, wear the suits.”

“But…” Maxine had started to protest.

Barbara shook her head. “Please.” She had looked toward the closed door of the bedroom. “Please don’t bring it up again.” She had reached out and plucked something off her son’s suit. “You can keep wearing the royal purple suits, but make sure to say you’re a boy, Jerome. I can’t have your father be that upset again.”

Barbara left the bedroom after that. Maxine had never brought the subject up again but thought about it daily.

She glanced toward the bedroom door as, somewhere in the house, something made a noise. It was probably just the vents, but she had to be careful. It was midnight, and she should be in bed asleep, but this was the only safe time she could try on her feminine suits. When the noise didn’t come again, Maxine looked at the mirror and sighed. She smoothed out the skirt and smiled.

The skirt was easier to put together than the jacket. She didn’t have to deal with as many curves. The thought brought a smile to her face. She’d perfected the skirt long before she perfected the jacket. She didn’t have shoes to go with the outfit; those were harder to come by. She wanted a pair of purple dress shoes, but she had inherited her father’s build. Maxine was tall, broad shouldered, and thick with muscle. The shoes her mother bought her were almost a foot long, and they were wide. To get feminine shoes that fit her would take time and money. The hardest part was making sure the cobbler didn’t know it was for her.

Maxine’s family worked for the Waverly family. Her father was the butler, her mother was the children’s tutor, and Maxine and her brother Martin had taken on jobs as they needed throughout the years. Her father believed in making friends with everyone, to get information that could help better serve his employer. It meant Randall knew everyone, and everyone in their small community reported everything to Randall. He tipped well for information that helped his employer.

Five years ago, right before Mrs. Parnell moved away, the butcher told Randall that she was ordering less fresh meat and had ordered a large amount of dried meat. Randall did some digging and found out the woman was moving. He told Mr. Waverly, who paid a visit to the old woman and bought her house before anyone else knew she was leaving the area. Randall had given the butcher high praise to Mr. Waverly, who then turned around and sold his old house to the butcher. It worked out well for everyone.

After Maxine hit puberty, she told a girl who worked at the produce market that she looked lovely. It was a test. She wanted to find out how far her father’s reach was. Barbara, Martin, and Maxine went to the produce market one town over. She went on her own once, dressed as her father wanted, and told the cashier she looked lovely. It wasn’t a lie. Fatima wore a nice dark sapphire dress under her smock and had her dark hair done up. She was going out to a dance right after work, Fatima had confessed, and knew she didn’t have time to go home and change. She’d even sprung for some make up. Maxine had looked at the girl in envy and told her she looked lovely.

Three days later, her father was asking if she wanted to date Mr. Patel’s daughter, Fatima. Maxine, dressed in men’s clothing as her father demanded, shook her head and told the only safe lie. “I was giving her a compliment. You always tell us to treat people nicely.”

Randall had nodded and patted his son’s shoulder. “It would be a good match, if you did date her. We have a vested interest in maintaining certain friendships.”

He’d walked away then, with Maxine glaring at his back. It was an experience that showed her a few things and made her wonder if she would be stuck in a marriage of convenience of her father’s design. It also made her realize that even if she talked to people one town over, her father would hear about it. She’d wondered how far she would have to go to be who she really was.

Maxine brought her thoughts back to the present, sighed, and started to undress. She needed her sleep. Tomorrow, she would be attending an outing with the Waverlys’ son Watsom. A smile came to her face as her hands paused. Handsom Watsom. A giggle escaped her lips as the rhyme popped into her head. She’d breathed that to herself many a time. He was as tall as she was and had the same build. She liked looking at him, and he often flirted with her, but he was dating a girl.

Maxine started undoing the buttons on the jacket again. It confused her sometimes. Watsom was dating someone. It wasn’t serious, he’d confessed, but he flirted with her when she looked like Jerome. Maxine wasn’t sure what to think about that. She also wasn’t sure what Watsom would think if he found out Jerome was actually Maxine. It was confusing, so even though Watsom flirted, Maxine didn’t flirt back… too much. Another sigh escaped her. She wondered if she would ever have the freedom to be herself.

Maxine pushed all her thoughts aside, undressed, hid her clothing, and crawled into bed. She had work to do in the morning.

*****

“Where are we going?” Maxine asked Watsom.

“I have an idea for a business, but father won’t lend me the money unless two of my tutors sign off on it.”

“Why do you still have tutors?” Most people stopped having tutors at the age of eighteen. They were both a few years beyond that.

“Father thinks it’s prudent for me to learn business matters from tutors, as I don’t want to follow in his footsteps.”

He continued on his way, taking long strides. It made Maxine very aware of how tall he was. She matched his stride and caught the little smirk he offered out of the corner of his mouth.

“Here we are,” Watsom stated softly. He turned so suddenly that, even though he gave her a warning, Maxine slammed into him. His hands came up and held her gently by the arms. “I’m sorry. Did I startle you?”

Maxine blushed and pulled away. “I don’t understand you sometimes.”

“Oh?”

Her eyes went wide at his question. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

“What don’t you understand about me, Jerome?”

She tried to stop herself from cringing but wasn’t successful. She shook her head to hide the reaction. “I’ll tell you later. Let’s get that signature for you.” His eyes bored deep into hers, and Maxine’s breath hitched. She wished vehemently he was looking at her and not Jerome. She looked away and indicated the door. “This one?”

Watsom looked to the door and opened it. “We will finish that conversation after this is done.”

She indicated he should go in first, then held the door for him as he walked through. She followed and hoped that however long this excursion took, it would be long enough for him to forget her statement.

*****

“I’m as confused as your tutors, Watsom.”

“I have their signatures; that’s all I care about.”

By happenstance, both Watsom’s tutors were in one office, discussing a different student. It offered Watsom the opportunity to gather both signatures. They were done now and headed back toward the Waverly Estate. Before they had walked too far away from the offices, Watsom folded the papers and stuffed them into the inner pocket of his vest. He wasn’t wearing a jacket, even though she knew his father would have insisted on one. He did have black pants on, a white shirt with silver trim, and a black vest with flowers stitched on it. He looked devilishly handsome.

Maxine envied the fact that he wasn’t wearing a jacket. She wore almost the same thing as he did but without the embellishments. Her pants, jacket, and vest were royal purple, and her shirt white, without any of the embroidery that made Watsom stand out. She wanted to be walking next to him as Maxine and not Jerome, but that would never be. Her quiet sigh of regret turned into one of surprise as Watsom slipped his arm through hers.

“About that statement of earlier. You didn’t think I forgot, did you?”

She paused and looked at him.

“You did want me to forget, didn’t you?” Watsom looked around, then held out his hand and hailed a cab. “We’re going somewhere we can sit and talk. There’s been a few times you’ve started this conversation, and I want to hear all of it.”

“But…” she started.

“No buts! Father doesn’t expect me home until dinner time.”

A bicycle pulling a small wooden carriage stopped before them. The woman on the bicycle smiled. “Need a cab?”

“Yes,” Watsom stated and nearly pushed Maxine onto the carriage seat. “Take us to the lake.”

“Absolutely!” The woman seemed to settle into her seat as Maxine and Watsom found comfortable spots on the bench. The carriage was large enough for two people, had a cushioned bench, walls, and a roof that protected them from the wind. As soon as the two were settled, the driver started off.

It was hard to talk on the carriage, which allowed Maxine a moment to compose herself. The lake wasn’t that far from their location, but there was a lot of traffic on the road. It felt odd for this many people to be out and about, but then she realized she was normally in the house at this hour. It was about eleven o’clock. She would be helping the kitchen get ready for lunch. An idea popped into her head that perhaps these people were moving around the town looking for lunch.

Maxine looked around and saw that many bicycles were parked at restaurants or at parks where there were food carts. The closer they moved to the lake, the thicker the smell of food became. It was oddly pleasant, even if she couldn’t identify most of the smells. It was as if all the food carts and restaurants had conspired to cook foods that almost but not quite melded. As she contemplated the smell of cooking food, her stomach growled. She rolled her eyes and hoped Watsom didn’t hear.

As Maxine looked around at the various businesses and all the bicycles, she felt a hand on hers. She turned her head away as if looking at something out her side of the carriage and closed her eyes as his hand squeezed hers. She licked her lips and squeezed back but took her hand away carefully. She needed to understand his desires before she allowed anything like this. He at least didn’t fight her when she pulled away.

Soon enough, the cab arrived at the lake and stopped at the sidewalk. Watsom jumped out eagerly and held his hand out to Maxine. She narrowed her eyes at him to hide her joy and took his hand. He helped her out, then paid the driver. As they walked along the sidewalk toward the lake, Maxine sighed.

“I like it here, but it’s still odd that there’s no sky.”

Her statement caused Watsom to look up at the ceiling. “Well, it’s not all bad.”

Maxine looked up as well as they stopped on the path. Inside buildings, the pipes that carried the steam, water, and electrical lines could be hidden by ceiling tiles. Out here, ‘outside’, there was nothing to hide the infrastructure that made the Under run. There was a day/night cycle in the Under, caused by the lights being turned lower, but that sometimes made the surface of the lake reflective. Then, the true nature of the Under was reflected in the stillness of the manmade lake. Maxine yearned for something more.

“You don’t like it down here, do you?”

Maxine looked at Watsom. He was staring at her with a look on his face she couldn’t identify. “It’s…fine.”

“You’re lying. Why?”

Maxine shook her head and started walking again. Watsom followed her.

“Jerome, please talk to me.”

She sighed heavily as she forced herself not to correct him on his name usage. “It’s nothing.”

“That’s not true.”

She felt as he slipped his hand through hers and guided her toward some picnic tables. Once there, he indicated she should sit. Maxine sat with her back against the table to lean on it, and he joined her.

“Have I told you what my new adventure entails?”

“You have not.”

With a smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eye, he started his tale. “I’m going out west to open a pet shop.”

Maxine frowned at him. “A pet shop? I thought you were going to be a veterinarian?”

“It was never my intention to do so. I wanted the animal knowledge to open a shop. For mutated animals.”

Maxine stared at him as if he were mad. “I’ve heard those animals are very dangerous.”

“Pah!” He waved his hands dismissively. “We hear so much about the Above that doesn’t turn out to be true. Come with me.”

The last was said so fast, Maxine almost missed it. She shook her head. “What did you say?”

Watsom took her hand. “Come with me.”

As she stared into his eyes, she wished with all her heart to say yes.