Widowhood is confusing

Hi. My name is Cat Stark and I’m a widow. But if you know me, or have read my blog, you know this already. What you may not know is that I love another man now, and it hurts to say that. It hurts because it feels like a betrayal. I know it isn’t. Jason is gone and though I loved him so very much, loving Paul does not make me love Jason any less. It does not invalidate what I feel for Jason, but it does confuse things very much in my heart and in my head.

There are times I think I shouldn’t be with anyone, but that would be foolish. As I have written (at least to myself) before, I have too much love to give and I am not going to live out the rest of my life alone just because I loved another who has passed on.

It is ok to love someone else. It is ok to love two people. It hurts and it is confusing, but god damn it, isn’t most of life that way?

If you are a widow or widower, please don’t be afraid to love another. It does happen. We are not meant to share our lives with only one person. If that were true, we wouldn’t have friends or family, we would live in a vacuum. Reach out. Love and be loved. It may hurt like hell, and your emotions my make you think you are going through hell, but if you have found another after your loved one dies, that is not hell, that is living, and that is love.

I love two men. Jason ssg, my late husband, who I was with for 19 years 2 months. And Paul, who I have been dating almost a year. And that is ok.


  1. Cat….all I can say is be happy! Jason would want that…so does everyone else who loves you! Be happy…life is too short! Love you! Joni

  2. I’m happy for you Cat…I know Jason was ill for a long time, and I hope you two had a chance for him to give you his blessings to
    Love again after his death…if not, surely you are too young not
    To continue loving another person. Too many women feel disloyal
    To their dead husband to ever consider loving again…it would be
    More disloyal not to continue to share the love you have with
    Another person. I hope you’ll follow your heart…love is too
    Precious not to share it.

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