I thought, for a while, to stay silent with my thoughts on the protests. I thought that, as a writer, I wanted to appear neutral, to appeal to all people.

Well, my writing betrays that. The first book I published has a male lead who falls for a woman, and eventually a man. He marries them both.

I am bi-sexual, or pan-sexual, depending on the definition used. I have slept with men, women, and a trans-fluid individual. Though I am currently in a monogamous relationship, I am also polyamorous.

Often my writing reflects those beliefs. I write fantasy/romance novels and many times, the main lead ends up sleeping with opposite and same sex partners. I can’t stay neutral, my writing sure as hell does not.

I’ve decided, therefore, to write what I feel. Also, as I don’t have a huge fan base yet (but thanks to those who do read this) I feel as if I can say what I want, and no one will really notice. Which, for a couple reasons, is rather cathartic. This site gives me the voice I need. It may be a voice in the dark, but it is still there.

Another reason I have been reluctant to say much is because, well, my heritage is French American. I’m white. I think right now, a lot of us whites need to shut the hell up and let people of color have their say.

But we all need a voice. Even if to just get the frustrations out about an unjust system. So here we go. Here’s my thoughts. They will continue to ramble.

I have not seen the video of George Floyd being murdered. I can’t. I get sick just thinking of it. Real violence makes me want to throw up. I know what happened, though, and that has to be enough.

It was wrong what happened to him; to all people of color killed by cops. It will continue to be wrong. It needs to STOP.

The systemic racism that this country hides behind needs to JUST FUCKING STOP.

I don’t know if I’ve ever been part of the problem. I hope I haven’t been, but I am not the one to judge that. If I have wronged you in the past, I do not ask for forgiveness, I ask for education. Tell me what I did wrong and I will make sure I don’t do it again.

I am not against the protests. They are necessary to help the country/world see what is truly happening. Here’s the thing: the person in charge of this country doesn’t give a fuck. The racism and abuse of power by cops will not stop during this presidency. The dunce won’t allow it. Keep fighting anyway. Because fuck him and fuck the system that allows the abuse of power by cops to continue.

The saddest thing about the protests: the same systemic racism they are fighting against during the pandemic, is the same thing that will cause their own deaths. Not because of the protests themselves, though that has and will claim more lives, but because percentage wise, covid-19 kills more black people. Why? They have worse health. Why? Systemic racism.

When you’re poor, you don’t go to the doctor, because well, that’s expensive. You skip medications when you’re told you need them. You take whatever job you can, which is usually not the best. Also, when you’re poor, you eat worse. Because junk food and fast food are cheap. Though the majority of poor people are Native American (I looked it up) the second largest group by race is black.

Poor people eat badly, don’t take care of their health because they can’t afford to, and end up with the diseases that will make it easier for covid-19 to kill them. And currently, because of the epidemic, they are gathering in large, large groups. Yes, a lot of them are wearing masks, but when tear gas is used, all masks are off. Because there is no choice.

These people are going to die from the same system they are fighting against.

I realize there is a lot of conjecture in this post; if you’re curious on how everything connects, please look it up. There is so much out there to find. The internet makes is so easy to find, even for someone who hates looking things up. (I hate searching the internet. Unless I know exactly what I am looking for, I can’t find it.) But finding poor people by race, covid-19 deaths by race, that’s easy. And the underlying diseases that are aiding in the covid-19 deaths, easy. And why those health issues exist in the first place, easy. Look it up; educate yourself.

Now that I’ve rambled on and on, the only thing I can think to say to sum up is this: Black Lives Matter. Stop acting as if they don’t.


  1. Cat,
    Thank you for your voice, it’s a powerful one and for using it to speak out about the horrible injustices that have and continue to go on in the US. Thank you for speaking your truth, being you and inspiring everyone else to do the same. We as white people in this country have had the unearned luxury of having our lives matter from birth, black and brown people have not. That’s why we have to say, Black lives matter and not be afraid to explain the why to a white person who says all lives matter. Words are important and if we don’t use them to speak out against injustice, then our silence speaks for us with the wrong message. Thank you Cat for speaking out and your fan base may be small but no doubt it’s mighty like you.
    Black Lives Matter,

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