Non Fiction – Page 2

Did you know that butter explodes?

I hate mornings. HAATTEEE mornings. I don’t get up easily. I’ll usually lay around for a half an hour or more, waiting for more sleep. Except, apparently for today. Today, I decided that I needed crepes in my life. I was considering going out to breakfast for some Swedish pancakes with my boyfriend, but realized how little I actually wanted to go anywhere. Then I remembered I know how to make crepes.

My alarm for work (no, I don’t work today) usually goes off at 6:40 am. I was awake and looking up a recipe for crepes by 6:30… 6:30. I’m still amazed at this.

I jumped out of bed, and was reminded why I don’t do that normally. I was dizzy and my body was screaming at me, but I leaned against my bed, let it all pass and tried not to think about laying back down. CREPES were calling my name.

I had to look up the recipe as I don’t have one I like. Also, more annoyingly, my mom has made me crepes probably every time she comes out here. She’s written her recipe (my preferred recipe) down at least twice. I’ve lost it every time… Need to put that in my computer. Found a recipe I like (Pillsbury) and started on the crepes.

The recipe calls for two tablespoons melted unsalted butter. Mine was frozen. I put the stick in the microwave for 20 seconds to soften it a smidge. Then I cut off three tablespoons, forgetting I only needed two. I stuck the three tablespoons in a ramekin, microwaved for 30 seconds, then took ramekin out of the microwave. Half was melted, but there was a nice solid chuck that needed more melting. Usually, I’ll mix up the butter, but this time, I did not. I stuck the ramekin back in the microwave for another 30 seconds. About halfway through, there was a loud pop, or small boom, depending on how you want to look at it.

My boyfriend and I both went, “What was that?”

I went to the microwave and saw that though half the butter was still in the ramekin, the other half was running down the door of the microwave. And on the sides, and dripping from the ceiling of the microwave… spent the next few minutes cleaning up the microwave. I’m pretty sure that is the first time I have witnessed butter exploding. I never want to see that happen again. Cleaning up butter is not the easiest thing to do.

But, once that was cleaned up, I continued with making crepes, this time melting the butter on the stove.

After I melted the butter I saw that I needed two, not three tablespoons. Not a big deal, as I used the melted butter to butter the pan before pouring in the batter.

After the batter was done, I started on the crepes. If you’re curious, I use a medium ceramic pan and have a great plastic spatula. It’s long, but not very wide, perfect for flipping crepes.

Once the microwave was clean and dry, we also cooked up some turkey bacon. Yes, turkey bacon. It’s pretty tasty. And yes, in the microwave. Quicker and easier clean up. I just had a crepe wrapped around a piece of turkey bacon. So. Fucking. Worth. It.

The crepes are now done. I ate while cooking because I was too hungry to wait. I think the recipe was a little egg-ier than my mom’s recipe, but still really good.

Oh, and by the way, crepes are not that hard to make. Now that I’ve made you hungry, go make yourself some crepes! You’ll probably really enjoy them.

New Book

Hello!

When I had my book reading in November of 2016, I announced I would be releasing a trilogy within 12 – 16 months. The trilogy is called “The Grey House”. It is a vampire trilogy. The first book is called: “The Grey House”. The second is called “Inside the Grey House”. The third is called “Protector of the Grey House”.

It will be published through DriveThru RPG, as it is based on a game world my friend Travis Legge wrote. Don’t worry, if you don’t know the world, you’ll still be able to enjoy my novels.

I want to offer the first book for free to my fans and I’m trying to get an email button connected to my web site, so that you can click on a button, sign up for a(n) (infrequent) newsletter, and receive a link to the download when the book comes out.

I am unfortunately having a heck of a time connecting everything. The button is not yet there. It will be by the time the first book is released.

Until then, I know I’ve been slacking in keeping up with this site, but want to thank everyone who has signed up/joined up here and on my Facebook page.

Thanks to everyone and I hope you continue to enjoy reading my books!

2016 A short Review

A lot of people think that 2016 has been a terrible year. I sort of agree. 2016 was not a good year for celebrities I grew up with. And I was not happy with the election results for the next president of the United States, but hey, this was by far not the worst year I’ve ever had. 2013 won that title.

In early 2013, I learned my husband of 19 years was dying, then I lost him. Then I spent the better part of that year in sheer and utter depression. I eventually saw a therapist and that helped me a lot. So did my amazing friends. I cannot tell you how invaluable they were and still are.

2016 was terrible for one particular person I know. I have a co-worker, a young man (19 I think) who spent most of 2016 in the hospital due to falling down some stairs. He caught various infections when recovering and for awhile no one knew if he was going to make it. He’s back at work and thinking about him makes me want to cry. He’s had a shit year, but he’s still here and kicking it.

2016 wasn’t the best for me: my health wasn’t great due to the weather, (heat/humidity not good for MS) and I caught a couple colds. My creativity has been suffering for a few years now, but it’s still there, waiting. On the upside, I have a place to live, a reliable car, a job I seriously love and a boyfriend that makes my heart flutter and puts a smile on my face simply by thinking about him. And those (still) amazing friends. I also published my first short story collection and had my first ever reading.

This year may not have been the best, but is hasn’t been the worse. I am thankful for what I have. I hope you are, too.

Happy New Year, everyone. And stay creative. It’s what makes the world more beautiful.

Thinx Underwear: An article about periods.

For those of you who don’t know, Thinx is underwear you can use when you have your period. You can either use it as a back up to tampons or pads, or free flow. I wasn’t sure about writing a review about Thinx, but I feel that women might feel more comfortable reading a review of the product from someone they know and can walk up to and ask questions. So here it is, my journey of my first full period week with Thinx. It will be a bit graphic, as I want women to understand how this product works.

A word on other products: I hate using tampons. They don’t feel right, therefore I used pads. If you’ve never used a pad, it feels slightly like wearing a diaper, even if you’re using the thinnest ones you can find. To me, that was preferable to using a tampon, which always felt like I had shoved a dry cotton stick where it doesn’t belong.

When the diva cup came out, I knew I would never try it. You have to empty it out every two hours, clean it and replace it. Um, not at work. No, thanks. Then I heard about Thinx, read a bunch of reviews from women who had tried at least one pair and figured, why the hell not? Yes, they are pricey, but so are pads.

Last month, I bought one pair of Thinx underwear to try out. My one regret: Not purchasing more right away. Therefore, I ordered enough to get me through my period for this month. When I wore the pair last month, I didn’t use anything else. I let things flow and I loved it.

The thing that worried me is that I am not regular and my body likes to kid around when it comes to my period. Sometimes it starts right away and then trickles, sometimes it trickles and then gushes. I haven’t been regular in a few years, since stopping hormonal birth control. Usually I have one heavy day, and a few lighter days, and a few days of mucus. But, not always in that order. Fun, right?

Today, I started what I think is day one of trickle period and I decided instead of a panty lining, to go ahead and use one of my new Thinx underwear. I slid into a pair and sighed. So much nicer than using a pad. It feels like I’m wearing a bikini bottom that is made from slightly thicker material than a bikini usually is. And they are cute! They come in black or beige. I opted for black only, as beige just didn’t seem right. But to each her own. If you decide to get some, get the ones you like!

Day One: Trickle period. Not much blood, but some mucus. Decided to go with the underwear rather than a panty liner. I wore the Cheeky pair. Thinx site states these pair hold up to 1 tampon’s worth of blood. Not having used tampons much, I’m going to shrug on that one. I slipped on the pair at 7 this morning and took them off at 7:30 this evening. There was some wetness, but when I washed the underwear, there was no red in the water.

That’s another thing. You have to rinse the underwear before you throw it in the delicate cycle. And don’t use fabric softener. The site says it’s like kryptonite for the underwear. As a geek, I love that line, but I am keeping it in mind HARDCORE. I do not want to ruin all my underwear by being forgetful.

I guess that’s it for the first day. I am wearing a pair to bed. The Hip Hugger, which is for heavy days. 2 tampons worth. This is the pair I first purchased and I have worn them to bed. No leaking. No worry about shifting either. Because that’s the other thing: pads shift. And that is no fun. That causes leaks and accidents.

All in all, the first day was fine. No smell, a little wet feeling, but not really. And as I sit at home typing this up, I don’t feel any wetness. I am looking forward to tomorrow, despite having my period.

Night one: Wore the Hip Hugger to bed. No leaks and not much blood when I rinsed in the morning.

Day Two: Wore the Sport. According to the website, the Sport absorbs about one and a half tampons’ worth. Today was getting heavier for me, but the Sport held up. It is also rather comfortable and cute. Unlike the cheeky, there is no lace around the edges. It’s just plain old black underwear that is comfortable and absorbs your period blood. When I changed for the night time underwear (Hip Hugger again), I rinsed the sport and there wasn’t much blood. Not a heavy day for me, but I know it’s coming.

As my second day with this underwear, I feel confident, more confident then I usually do with pads, and I am not checking to make sure I’m not leaking. We’ll see what happens as the week continues.

Night Two: Hip Hugger, but probably could have gone with one of the other ones. Didn’t look like much was going on and when I rinsed the underwear this morning, no red could be seen.

Day Three: Heavy day. This is the day I usually think of as my period actually starting. It’s the heaviest day I’ll have, usually. I’m not regular; my body likes to mess with me sometimes. I wore the Hip Hugger today, 2 tampons worth. How do I feel after a full day at work? Fucking. Awesome. I was walking around the office earlier today and realized I didn’t feel like I had my period. I wore my tighter jeans, which I usually don’t do when I wear pads, as it feels as if everyone can see the bulge. Today, while walking around, I felt sexy. Sexy. While on my period. That doesn’t happen. I felt liberated. It was an amazing feeling. I didn’t feel restricted.

With Thinx, there is no chaffing from the pad, no uncomfortable bulge, no feeling of anything except underwear. Oh my god, I’ve waited my entire period life for these. In case you’re wondering, I’ve had my period for 27 years. Even when I was on the pill, I still hated my period. They were shorter during that time, and more in control, but still. Pads and tampons suck. I am seriously flabbergasted. (Obviously not speechless.) I love Thinx underwear.

Also while at work today, I was putting stuff in my locker and rearranging some things and found a small box I had put pads in. I took that box home, as I’m pretty sure I’ll never wear pads again.

I already changed my underwear for the evening. Still wearing Hip Huggers, though. I realized I don’t have enough Hip Huggers for the week, therefore I’m washing (in the machine) what I’ve already worn and thinking of getting more.

When I rinsed today’s pair, there was a lot of blood in the water. I’ve read other reviews where women did not see any red, but they might not bleed as much as I do. It will differ for all women as all women are different, but that’s part of the Thinx tagline: know your flow.

Even though this was my heaviest day, I didn’t have any problems. There was no smell coming from down there and also, there is barely any trace of blood on my skin. There would often be with pads. The underwear does an amazing job of doing as advertised: whisking away the blood.

Today, I am seriously happy with Thinx.

Night Three: Heavy flow night; I used the Hip Hugger. I think that one is my go to for nights. More coverage. I only have 4 pairs of those though, which means I had to put everything I had used previously in the washer. (I let them dry on a rack after rinsing/pre-washing.) My only worry was whether or not a pair would dry well enough to wear tomorrow.

Tonight though: no leaks. Light blue sheets clear of any traces of blood. I felt like I needed to change my underwear though. They felt a bit wet and definitely heavy. There was a smell (like there were with pads) when I went to the bathroom. Here’s another thing I like about Thinx: I took my underwear off in the shower.

I took care of the toilet stuff, but sometimes I drip. I decided to pull my underwear back on, step in the shower, then take off my underwear. No worries about drips that way! I felt relieved to be able to do that. When I rinsed, there was blood to rinse, but it rinsed quickly.

Note: One of my other pair of Hip Huggers did dry enough to wear today. This should be another heavy day for me. I know I want to buy at least two more pairs of HipHuggers to cover me for an entire week. I don’t want to gamble with a pair not drying well enough again.

Day Four: I was wrong. Today was my heavy day. It was rough. Unfortunately, three or four drops of blood made it onto my jeans before the end of the work day. It was really close to the end, so I didn’t panic. I went home at the end of the day, jumped in the shower, rinsed off the really bloody underwear and pulled on a new pair.

It may have been my fault that there was leakage. The underwear I wore today may not have been completely dried from the wash. I want to give them another try on a heavy day and see how that goes. I haven’t given up, as this is still the best method for my period that I have found so far.

Night Four: Heavy flow still and no leaks. I’m sold for night time usage, at any rate.

Day Five: This is going to be interesting. I am currently wearing the Sport and will change halfway through the day as I am going to an outdoor concert for most of the day. I didn’t want to wear one pair for the entire day. I felt that might be pushing things too far. I don’t know how heavy my flow will be today, as my period is not regular. I’ll be walking around a lot more than I usually do and that’ll help me figure out how well these do with activity. I am very interested to see what happens.

I changed into Hip Huggers about half an hour before I left for the concert. It’s outdoor, therefore no real bathrooms. I didn’t bring back up and I almost wished I had. By the time I left the concert, my jeans had blood on them. It wasn’t a lot, it was as if my jeans were rubbing the underwear wrong and a little red ended up on the jeans at the seam in the crotch. It wasn’t as if blood was leaking out, like it would for pads (or tampons, I imagine). It was as if the materials were rubbing against each other and some was seeping through. The blood washed out easily in the washing machine.

Here’s the thing that kind of intrigues me. I was bleeding more heavily than usual (happens about 2-3 times a year). This was not a light day. This was a full on bleed day. Usually, I have one of these a month, not three. I had three heavy days this month, and I didn’t know that would happen, and it happened to be when I was trying out a new method. Mother fucker.

Ok, rant aside, here’s the intriguing part: It felt like the underwear was full, and despite sitting in public transportation and my car for a good 2 hours to get home at the end of the night, they didn’t leak the way I thought they would. Yes, there was blood on my jeans at the crotch, but nowhere else. I seriously expected to have a bloody mess on my hands. It wasn’t as bad as that. I thought that the mess would seep out from all areas and it didn’t. Not thrilled that my jeans had blood on them, but no one could see it but me. I was disappointed, but not disappointed enough to stop using Thinx.

When I arrived home, I showered, and rinsed the underwear. It had as much red as the previous two days. I also didn’t have any other underwear to use, as the ones in my drawer were the Cheeky and I knew I was going to continue bleeding a bit. I wore a pad to bed that night, which annoyed me to no end. It wasn’t as comfortable. It did the job, but I hate using them.

Night Five: Pad, as no underwear were dry enough to use. No leaks, but felt rather uncomfortable when I got up in the morning. Usual chaffing. Grrrrr.

Day Six: In the morning, I went back to Thinx, but I wasn’t sure how that would go. They take a long time to dry and I still only had the cheeky. I wore one in the morning and switched to a second pair in the afternoon before heading over to a friend’s place. Since I was going to a friend’s place, I didn’t feel secure not changing. Both pair did the work they were supposed to. No leaks, no worries. My period slowed down and everything seemed under control.

Night Six: Wore Hip Huggers, not because I thought I needed them, but because I really appreciate the full coverage for nights. No worries there and not much blood when I rinsed them this morning.

Day Seven: Wearing the Sport. Not bleeding much. Seems to mostly be mucus. No leaks, no red when rinsing. Not as much excitement as the past three days, thankfully.

Night Seven: Wore Hip Huggers to bed, mostly for peace of mind. There was no red when I rinsed.

Day Eight: Yep, I have long periods. I wore Sport again. At this point, it’s bloody mucus, no actual bleeding. Things are ending. This is where I call my period for the month done, I think. All in all, though I did have some spotting, I really liked Thinx. They are far more comfortable than pads, and don’t make me feel like I’m wearing a diaper. I’m going to continue with Thinx for my next month and see how that goes. To be fair to the product, I’ll add a note or two after next month’s period to see if there are any other issues with spotting. I am not regular and therefore, don’t always know what my flow is going to do.

If you decide to get some Thinx, it’s probably best to start out with one or two pair to see if they work for you. If you have questions, feel free to ask. If it’s not too personal, I’ll probably answer.

If you feel like trying them out, and want $10 off (and feel like giving me $10 off more, here is a referral link.

He did nothing.

By now, most Americans have heard of Colin Kaepernick. Even if you’re not a sports fan, you’ve probably heard of the football player who decided to sit down for his rights. A lot of people became angry that this man sat down during the National Anthem.

My mind goes odd places sometimes (lots of times) and I had an odd thought. While thinking about Mr. Kaepernick’s actions, an image flashed into my head of an angry fan. The fan was screaming something to the effect of, “He can’t do that! That’s not what we pay him for!” And my mind continued.

What if the real reason people are upset about the football player “voicing an opinion” is that the fans don’t want to be reminded that the players are people with lives and emotions? That these players can affect change if they rose up? That they can rise up if they chose to? That they are not just pawns on a field, being told what to do and how to do it by their fans?

It’s as if some sports fans expect players to do nothing but entertain. It’s as if they expect a player to be taken out of a box specifically for games and nothing else. Like a trained animal. And what does a bad master do when a trained animal bites back? He beats it. The yelling on the Internet feels like that’s what the fans are trying to do: remind the trained animal of its place in the master’s world.

And if bad fans believe sports players are trained animals, then no wonder some became so upset when Mr. Kaepernick voiced an opinion. They weren’t expecting it. Weren’t expecting a voice from the trained animal.

Is that really what we’re doing to sports players? If it is, then we need to change that attitude. Athletes are human beings, not trained animals. They need to be able to act like human beings, but some fans seem to forget that.

Mr. Kaepernick is doing what he felt was right. He took the most non aggressive stance he could possibly take. He didn’t hurt anyone. He didn’t yell. He literally didn’t do anything. It is his right not to. It is his right to express an opinion contrary to our own. He has a mind and can use it. Stop thinking he and others like him are trained animals, or one day, they might bite you.

Censoring myself

There are times when I write things that I want to post on my blog and I wonder how many people I will piss off. I have strong opinions about religion and politics and the stupid things people do because of both those subjects.

I’m not usually kind in my rantings because people piss me off a lot. I let the anger grow, write about it and then never post it. But isn’t my blog about everything and anything? Shouldn’t I feel free to post what I feel?

Yes and no, is what I answer myself.

I’m not in the habit of making people angry. As I have gotten older, I tend to think it’s best to let things go. Mostly because I feel better when I do. There are so many things and people I want to free from my worry and mind, but I haven’t mastered that yet.

It is not my intention to piss people off, it is my intention to express my opinions. That’s the thing: it’s my opinion. Maybe I just don’t want people to take it personally. Which is interesting because when I’m writing creatively (fiction instead of non fiction) I am far more likely to put it all out there. I get to hide behind my characters, in a way. I get to act the idiot, the asshole and the kind person all in one book. I dig it.

Here, there is no character. There is only me. And that’s a bit more harrowing. A friend of mine, a published poet, once told me of his experience with publishing a book. He used a pen name, but people still found out who he was and gave him their opinion. Some of the things they said were not kind. I have always felt poetry was a piece of the writer’s soul. There is nothing to hide behind and all emotions are out in the open. As with non fiction.

I have no objection to using my real name on my books. As stated: I get to hide behind my characters.It feels safer to write fiction, to allow characters to speak my mind. But I don’t want to be afraid to allow my voice to speak.

I still don’t know if I will post everything I write about, but I wanted this out there, for my own sake. It helps to write things out.

A word on rejection letters

Hate them. With a passion. I have sent of a number of books and short stories to various places to try and get published the old fashioned way. Unfortunately, either due to not submitting to the right places or not writing well enough, I have been sent many rejection letters. Most are form letters. “Sorry, we don’t have time to actually read your book. We skimmed the query letter and decided not to bother.” That’s not exactly what they say, but that’s what they mean.

Last year, I submitted my novel “Hell’s Junction” to an open call from Harper Voyager. They were looking for Military Science and Urban Fantasy. I received a rejection letter and it depressed me. Wanting to let my friends know, I let two other authors read it. They both thought it was awesome. I didn’t understand what they were talking about. An awesome rejection letter? There is no such thing.

Here’s the letter that I received, in its entirety:

Dear Cat,

Thank you so much for your submission of Hell’s Junction to the Harper Voyager Impulse open call last November. We hope you had as much fun writing your story as we did reading it!

The Military Science Fiction and Urban Fantasy submissions we received during this open call certainly set a high bar. One of the toughest parts of being an editor is making decisions about which books we want to work on and publish. That means weighing a book’s strengths and weaknesses, and, while your book certainly had a number of high notes, we ultimately felt that the heat level in this story is too high – it reads more like a paranormal romance than an urban fantasy. Therefore, sadly, we are declining interest at this time.

We really appreciate your submission and patience, and we wish you all the best of luck in finding a home for your novel.

Sincerely,

The Harper Voyager US team

I read it as a “Sorry, no” letter. I think on some level I knew it wasn’t a form rejection letter but I didn’t see the awesomeness of it until one of my friends sent me a rejection letter they received. Their letter wasn’t a form letter either, but it was different. That friend submitted to the same open call. My letter says: Not right at this time. Their rejection letter said: Here’s what you need to fix.

It took a moment for that to sink in. The editors weren’t telling me what to fix, they were telling me it wasn’t right for them “sadly”. Shit. A major publisher liked my work but couldn’t take it, because they were looking for something different. And they took the time to compose a letter of rejection, rather than sending a form letter.

Now, I do understand that if my book were freaking amazing, they might have decided to publish it anyway, but this is a good step. This is a step in the right direction.

My point to all this isn’t just to brag, as I feel I am doing. It is to tell writers out there to slow down when reading rejection letters. What does the letter actually say? Is it a form letter or was it composed by someone who actually read the book/story? Take the time to read a rejection letter for what it is, don’t just see the bad. If the editors are telling you to fix something, fix it. If they are telling you sorry, not now, take that as a positive.

There are so many times in this life when we artist are faced with utter and complete rejection. But sometimes, there is a glimmer of hope. Let that feed your heart and go with it.

It’s a wonderful feeling to know that a publisher liked my work. I’m holding on to that and I may try and find a home for Hell’s Junction that isn’t a self-published avenue.

Editing is your friend

I’ve been working on getting a book of short stories together for publication for almost a year now. The cover was done about a year ago, most of the stories were written long before then. I asked friends (fellow writers) to read the book and find errors. I even asked friends who like to read to take a look and make sure the stories flow well together.

For the most part, the short stories in the collection are stories I have read and re-read for more than a year. There are some that are newer and did not have that extensive a reread, but still, I have read them more than once.

It takes a long time to edit your own work. If someone finishes a book and publishes it within a month, they have done a disservice to their own work and to the people who will purchase it and read it. Even well-known authors with agents and big publishing houses take a year from finished manuscript to released book.

Writing something and then publishing it right away, with no other eyes viewing it, is not a good idea. If a writer is a good editor, they know they must lay the book aside for a month, re-read the entire book, put it aside for a month, then re-read it again. After that, they must give the book to at least two other people to review. Why at least two? Because if only one person reads the book, the writer can’t know if the mistakes the person finds actually need to be fixed. There are some mistakes, like grammar, spelling, sentence structure, that are no brainers. If an editor finds a mistake like that, a writer should fix it.

Continuity, word usage and ideas within the story are more intangible and need more than one person’s opinion. If two or more people find the same mistakes with the intangible parts, then the writer knows it is something that needs a hard second look.

When writing something, I know what I want to say. It is in my head and I can see clearly what I mean. When I hand my book off to someone else, they can spot inconsistencies, continuity errors, grammar and spelling errors that my brain no longer sees. Once the book is done, I hand it off to three people. If only one of them tells me of a story issue, I take it to heart, think about it and dismiss the idea or take it, depending on how much I like the idea. If two people tell me the same exact thing, I am more likely to change something. If the third person tells me of the exact same issue, well at that point I usually curse because it means a re-write.

Writers don’t have to listen to editors when self-publishing. It’s one of the reasons I like using Amazon. It’s my story being published, not someone else’s idea on what my book should say or how it should be, but that is also why marketplaces like Amazon are fill with terrible books. There are too many writers out there that just don’t care about the product, or care too much about seeing their name in print that they don’t put out a quality product.

If my three editors say the same thing, I know that other readers will feel the same way, which can be a problem. There are times though, that I decide not to listen to editors with good reason. For example, in my book The Elven Prince all the people who read the book before it was published wanted to see how the main character’s love interest, Anan, fought. I wrote her as a badass elven warrior, but never show her in a fight. This was on purpose. The book was about Eloran, not Anan, and I felt that highlighting too much of her would detract from him.

On the other hand, I wrote a novel about angels and demons (not published yet), that I was thinking about publishing as my first novel. I handed the book off to three people. There is one demon, a minor character, that ends up helping a fellow demon, against Lucifer’s wishes. Lucifer seemingly kills the minor character, but the demon disappears at the last moment. He reappears at the end of the book, as a redeemed angel. It is revealed that he spoke to an angel and made his confessions at some point in the middle of the book.

I was told by each of my editors, all separately and without foreknowledge of what the others had stated, I believe, that what I did was a copout. To find out at the end that the demon turned good, and was not killed, was a cheat. They said it nicer than that, but that’s how I thought of it when they were all done editing. I had cheated my way into saving the life of a character I liked.

I don’t like cheating with writing.

Therefore, knowing a major re-write was coming, I put the book down and found something else to publish. I wasn’t sure how to tackle the re-write and felt it best to let it stew for a while before attempting it.

That’s ok to do, too. Once a book is finished, we don’t have to publish right away, and in some instances, shouldn’t. It’s ok to change our minds about publishing something. It’s our prerogative. And if it’s being self-published, it doesn’t matter when it gets out there, or in what order, as long as it is good quality.

Which brings me to the greatness and great failing of Amazon and other self-publishing sites.

I love using Amazon. I don’t pay for any of the services, other than getting the proof and actual copies printed and sent to me. That’s it. I usually have someone I know do the cover, and I usually have people I know edit. There are services on Amazon if you need help with editing or putting the cover together, some you pay for, some you don’t, but since I get that all done before hand, I pay a nominal fee for what I do, through Amazon’s CreateSpace.

And anyone with a manuscript can do the same thing. Unfortunately, there are writers out there that don’t take the time to edit. I recently edited a book that a friend already published on Amazon. I read the book, it’s a solid story, but it is so full of mistakes that I refuse to review it until it has been properly edited. It’s a shame that the novel went public without being edited. At this time, if anyone my friend doesn’t know reads the book, they will get a poor review. If someone complains, Amazon will pull the book.

A bad review for an independent writer, due to grammar, spelling, and sentence structure, can be their end. No one wants to read a book full of mistakes.

Therefore, if you’re thinking about publishing through any market, make sure you edit your work prior to publishing. Here are the steps I recommend:

Finish the novel. Yay!
Put the manuscript aside for a month. (Save it in 10 different places to make sure you don’t lose it.)
After a month, read the manuscript slowly to find any errors.
After correcting the errors, put the manuscript aside for a month.
Read the manuscript again, finding new errors. And you will. There are always errors.
Get other people to read your book for you. If you know other writers, they are usually willing to help, but you have to give them time. Send them a copy through Word Doc or Google Docs, as both allow the reader to mark mistakes they find, and make comments. If you want it done now and can afford it, there are editing services to be found on the net. I can’t recommend any paid services; I use my friends, as they are wonderful.
Review mistakes found by editors.
Fix errors you feel are necessary to fix. Take a good long look at the ones you don’t want to fix and ask yourself (a lot), whether or not you should follow the fixes you don’t like. Talk to your editors about why they gave you the edits. That helps, too.
After making all final edits, put the manuscript down for a while, maybe not a month, but let it sit.
Edit the manuscript yourself one last time. It’s amazing how many things slip through the cracks, especially if you fixed things. Sometimes we fix things incorrectly.
Once that is done, figure out what you want to do: self-publish or send to agents/publishers.

Is this a long process? Yes. And it should be. My books are my children. I care for them, nurture them and make sure that everything is damn near perfect before releasing it to the public. The public is not kind. They find a mistake, they are like sharks in bloody water, and the writer is chum.

Do yourself a favor, do your readers a favor: Don’t put out sloppy work.

To the young woman who rear-ended me:

Thank you. Thank you for not being an asshole and for taking responsibility of the accident. Yes, it was your fault, but you stepped out of the vehicle and said right away “I’m sorry.” You also said it was your responsibility verbally and in a text. I have to assume you also told your insurance provider the same thing. I was on the phone for five minutes with them before they told me they were accepting responsibility and would be paying for the damages as soon as my insurance provider gave them the demands.

So thank you for being you.

I hope you don’t experience another car accident any time soon, because they suck. If you do, I wanted to give you a piece of advice. Your driver’s license said you were born in 1992, making you 24 this year. I’m a bit older than that (41) and have learned a few things about accidents. For your own sake, please hear me out.

Never, ever, even when an accident is obviously your fault, never take blame. Exchange information with the other person involved, but say as little as possible.

You may wonder why, since you are a good person and think taking blame when it is your fault is the right thing to do. In an ideal world, it is. This is not an ideal world.

This is a world with people waiting to take advantage of good, kind people.

If you are in a car accident again and it’s your fault, don’t say you’re sorry. Fight the urge. Don’t lie about what happened, as that’s not right, but don’t say you’re sorry. Exchange information, if the police are involved, give them the information as well. Don’t speculate on who was to blame. Give details, tell your insurance agent the same thing, and then let them figure it out.

Why? Because next time, the other person might be an asshole.

The day you rear-ended me, I went to work for a little bit, but left early as I felt like hell. You hit me hard. It rattled me for a good portion of the day. I went home, relaxed as best I could, and talked to my insurance agent. The next day, I missed a bit of work to get my car assessed. I went about my life after that as per usual.

An asshole would have sued you for the time they took off of work. They would have gone to the doctor, ran up a bunch of bills and charged your insurance company for the bills. They would then have sued you for ‘damages’ and any other trivial thing they could think up, all because the first words out of your mouth were “I am so sorry.”

You were an amazingly nice person and obviously a good person. Please don’t let that be a detriment. Guard your good, especially when an unknown person is involved. You never know who is on the receiving end.

Getting rear-ended sucked, but I couldn’t have asked to be hit by a better person. Thank you for being good, but please be careful. I would hate for your life to be ruined by an asshole because you said you were sorry.

Take care,

Cat Stark

Dear Brides and Grooms,

Ah, wedding season! The time to look beautiful, eat too much, drink too much, see lots of people you haven’t seen in years and cry in happiness.

Unless you’re a widow. Then there’s only crying in sheer pain. For me, at least. Since Jason died I have been invited to 4 weddings. A fifth friend tied the knot, but I was not invited, which I was rather grateful for. It’s tough for me to watch a happy couple without bursting into tears for my loss. In time, I’m sure that the tears of sadness will turn into tears of joy-ish, as I have a good man by my side and he is helping my heart heal, one stitch at a time. For the moment, simply looking at a wedding website raises my anxiety.

The year that Jason died, I attended a wedding in August of two very close friends of ours. Jason passed in May, but I wanted badly to see their wedding, mostly to represent him. I was surrounded by people who knew what was going on and who helped me through the day. The wedding was beautiful. Everything went well, and I cried tears of sadness because my husband was no longer on this plain of existence.

The next year, I was invited to two weddings. I said yes to the first one, because I figured there would be people there that would be able to help me out, if I needed it. It slowly occurred to me as the wedding grew closer that I had no desire to try and attend. I was going to cry through the entire thing. I didn’t want to do that, especially since I didn’t know the bride. I ended up telling the groom I wasn’t able to attend and gave my apologies.

The second invitation came after the first and I had already figured out by then that I was not ready to attempt weddings. I RSVP’d in an email with a long letter to the bride’s family, saying why I couldn’t. I expressed my pain, and in retrospect I’m not sure that was really fair to do. They were planning a happy occasion. Who am I to remind them that sadness awaits at the end? I never received a reply to the email, but I should not have expected one. She had a good wedding and that’s the only thing that matters.

Fast forward to the next year. A friend from work was getting hitched and I kept talking to mutual friends. I told one of my past anxiety with weddings and invitations and then didn’t end up getting one. I don’t know if I was supposed to get an invitation or not, but I felt nothing but relief when I did not. A weight was lifted from my heart and mind. I could face the wedding through pictures and didn’t have to deal with whether or not I was ready to attend. Again, wonderful people getting married; no desire to cry uncontrollably and ruin it for other guests.

And I feel I would be ruining the wedding for other guests. Here’s why: They have no idea why I am sobbing. And it’s not pretty quiet tears that stream down my face. It’s gut wrenching sobs that tear through my body and make me double over. No, that’s not hyperbole. That’s what happens. I don’t want to pass on that sadness at a joyous occasion.

This year, I have received an invitation from a friend, and the lightheartedness of the invitation made me consider going. I saw they had a website sometime after getting the “Save the Date” card and decided to check it out. As I was looking around the site, my anxiety kicked in and I felt the tears. I immediately clicked out of the site and thought, “Nope.” I couldn’t even look at the website without tears surfacing.

It’s been three years, almost to the day, since Jason died and I still feel an overwhelming panic-like attack when I think of other people getting married. It’s a joyous time; people around them should be smiling and crying tears of happiness, not sadness.

Therefore, please keep in mind, if you are getting married soon, and you deiced to send me an invitation, I will probably not attend. I will say now, “Thank you for thinking of me” but I most probably will not attend. And as I don’t want to make anyone feel awkward, this blog will serve as the reason why. I don’t want to tell each friend individually, while they are in the final stages of wedding planning, why I can’t attend. There is too much going on, and it just isn’t fair to them.

I love all my friends and want them to be happy. But weddings make me panic/have bad anxiety, and no one needs to have that at their wedding. Be happy on your wedding day. Love is precious and on the day of your wedding, you should feel only love.

Congratulations to anyone I know planning a wedding. I hope to be able to share in your happiness at some point.

Love you all,

Cat

-Widow not planning on attending weddings