Another Day on the Job

Matt looked out at the water, wondering what he was doing. He should be at work, but today felt like a good day to stare out at the ocean and forget his responsibilities. So here he was at the docks, watching the ships and dock workers move. Other people could work today. He had opted not to.

A seagull’s cry broke this thoughts, and he took a deep breath. Nothing really mattered today. Not Krisy’s unemployment, not the baby’s sore throat, just the waves hitting the dock, rocking it gently.

“So, you ready to get this done, or what?”

Matt looked to Devon, his dragon and sighed. “No.”

Devon stared at Matt with his intense purple eyes. The sun hit his golden scales and made him seem unreal. “It’s your job.”

“I’m tired of doing that. Just once, I’d like to be able to ride you through the clouds without purpose. I don’t want to scare the people of Dartmouth. And they have a dragon rider, too. I’ve heard he’s terrifying. They don’t need to be scared and I certainly don’t need to battle today.”

“The mayor is holding the dragon rider hostage. We’re not scaring the people, we’re trying to rescue a fellow dragon. Now get on my back; break time is over.”

Matt rolled his eyes, slipped his helmet on, and did as told.

Magic Bookstore

Mary and Charlie stared at each other before turning quickly to exit the aisle. Mary looked surprised as she realized that the exit on her end was gone. She heard Charlie curse and realized his exit was gone as well. Mary sighed heavily and turned back to Charlie.

“Damned magic bookstore.”

She glared at him. “Oh, stop it. You wanted this to happen. You probably hoped for it.”

“The spell takes two, sweetheart.”

The glare deepened. She hated when he called her sweetheart, or sweetie, or any other term of endearment. He wasn’t her boyfriend. Sure, they slept together once, but it wasn’t serious and she sure as heck didn’t want a repeat.

“Drop the spell so we can leave.”

He glared at her. “I’m trying. You’re blocking me.”

“Oh, that is such bull!”

They started arguing, but before too long, a book fell from the top shelf. It landed on its spine and popped open in between them. Curious, they stepped closer and peered at the beautifully painted pages.

Charlie realized what it was first and laughed. “Joy of Sex for Magic Users. Awesome.” He looked to Mary. “And you said you didn’t have fun.”

She did the only thing she could think of: stuck her tongue out at him. He had the audacity to laugh. He laughed harder as the library fell away and they found themselves in a clearing, near the lake. Charlie walked closer to Mary, stepping around the book. He held his hand out to her.

“Well?”

Mary rolled her eyes and took his hand. With his added energy, she was able to reverse the spell and get them back to the library. He looked disappointed as she walked away. From behind him came another woman’s voice.

“Told you it wouldn’t work.”

“Shut up, sis.”

Abstract Thoughts

She sits in her car, waiting for the light to change, her depression all around her like a fog. It thickens as her thoughts become darker. She’s not really thinking suicide; it’s more an abstract thought. But, she still reaches across with her right hand, as if holding a sharp object, and runs her hand down the inside of her arm. Not across the wrist, but down her arm. She’s seen enough movies, heard enough about it to know that if you’re really going to take your life, you don’t slash cross the wrist, you run the knife down the arm, following your veins.

The light changes, and her car moves forward. Tears roll down her cheeks. Too often, she feels like this. Friends say she has the right to feel this way. Losing someone you’ve spent the last 19 years with is not an easy thing, by any stretch of the imagination. Even if she hated him, she didn’t, not even a little; it would probably be a hard thing. But she didn’t hate him. She loved him. He annoyed her, he loved her, he made her understand who she really was. And now he was gone.

Traffic flowed around her; she kept up with it, but tears still streamed. Suicide was not the answer. It wouldn’t solve anything.

Then she realized, that was bullshit. Suicide would solve all her problems. She would no longer feel. No pain, no love, no tears, nothing. No emotions, no thoughts. Nothing. Not even emptiness. Just nothing.

It was everyone else that would have to deal with it. Just like she had to deal with his death.

The thought was still abstract; she wasn’t going to take her own life. She was too young and there were too many things she had yet to do. She wasn’t done yet. But it was still bullshit that suicide would solve nothing.

She wiped away more tears, trying hard no to allow the pain to interfere with her driving. The box of tissues is, of course, in the back seat, nowhere close enough to grab. She still wipes her fingers across her eyes, catching the wetness, wanting to be able to wipe away her pain just as easily.

Suddenly, a question pops into her mind: Is this worth it? Was 19 years with him worth the past 6 months of pain? Yes.

The answer is immediate, but not a surprise. The pain is overwhelming sometimes, overbearing and feels never ending, but yes, it’s worth it.

Even the abstract thoughts of suicide are probably worth it. He was a wonderful person, and he was loved. As was she.

Nanowrimo

As some of you know, I suffered a huge loss this past year, with the passing of my husband of 19 years. My creativity has taking a hit due to that. But this is Nanowrimo. In the spirit of Nanowrimo, I have decided to do something that may end up being tough for me.

I am not starting a new project, I’m going to try and finish one. I have a book in mind I’ve been working on for a while, and I’m going to try and write a little each day to see if I can get it done. Though Nanowrimo is about starting and finishing a novel, at this point, I just want to finish something.

I’ve been in a fog for the past few months, a fog that has not allowed me to write of even think clearly. I’ve had a few moments of clarity, when things pop through, but it’s been tough. Between 2005 and April of this year, I’d written over 1 million words, which went to 17 finished novels, various short stories, and about 25 unfinished novels. Since April, I’ve barely written.

To some, the amount I write now probably seems like a lot, but for me, it’s not enough. I know I need time, but I want very badly to see if I can jump start the creative juices and get my head in the game again. I think this is the perfect month for that.

So here it goes. The novel, currently entitled Lost Sister, has 53481 words.

In the spirit of Nanowrimo, I’m going to work on adding a few words each day and hope to keep you updated on the amount of words I have. Since it is a project mostly done, I will not be using Nanowrimo and their web pages, but if you’re curious about it, I encourage you to search for their page and check it out. It’s an interesting project for writers.

I’ll keep you updated in the comments with word count and date. If I go a few days without posting, that does mean I haven’t written anything, but please be patient. Just deciding to do this was tough for me.

Thank you all, and have fun writing.

Liquid Warm

John leaned against the heavy wooden door, fighting the icy wind that threatened to push it back open. He gave a final shove and won the battle. He shivered as the warmth of the bar slowly eased its way under his clothing. He hugged his crusda cloak around him tighter, not wanting to relinquish the warm fur just yet.

“Can you believe the taste of this?”

“I think mine has fur in it. Give me another one, on the house.”

John heard a soft slow growl, which could almost have been the wind. He turned, not sure what to expect. Walter told him about this place; said it was a great bar: quiet, cozy, decent food. What he saw as he turned did not fit the harsh voices of the two trudan crystal encrusted drunk men at the bar.

Zithma’s Place, as Walter called it, was warm despite the wooden walls. There were paintings on one wall, all with the same green marking in the lower left hand corner. There were a few tables and some booths, enough for about thirty people. An old burgundy wood bar at the back gave off a strange reflection of the room. An antique from Earth, Jon guessed. There were ten seats at the bar and two were occupied. John ignored the men and took a seat at the opposite end. He felt their angry drunken gaze upon him and turned toward them when he was settled in his seat.

“Gentlemen.” He nodded hello and turned back to the menu written on the wall, cringing when he heard the unmistakable sounds of two men tripping over themselves trying to climb down from bar stools.

“You’re the new guy.”

“You reported us.”

“You must have me confused with someone else.” John thought of the balst in his inner coat pocket, hoping it would keep still.

“We lost our jobs because of you.”

“They’re sending us back to Earth. Earth! There are no jobs there.”

“I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve never seen you before in my life.” John silently repeated the Da’hiat Tla, the Prayer of Calming he had learned as a boy. As he finished the short prayer, he touched a stone hanging around his neck and released his will. The two men backed up a step or two then went back to badgering him.

John had not come in here looking for a fight. He had been on Terra Suul for four months now and made his peace with the ice planet. He worked in the trudan crystal mines and left most of the others alone. He considered himself a peaceful man and didn’t fight unless he had no other choice.

He softly recited the Da’hiat Tla again, touched the stone and released his will. This time, the spell took. The men stopped mid insult and went back to their seats. They were dazed for a few moments then slowly went back to drinking their local beers. John had no idea how the bartender convinced these two humans to buy the vile brown brew. Probably said it was the only thing in stock.

John looked forward when a shadow fell across him. A Suulian, presumably the bartender, stood across the bar from him. Like all Suulians, he was rather tall and very sleek. He had purple-stripped fur and a mad look in his eyes. The man leaned forward, his flat feline nose almost touching John’s longer human nose, and sniffed.

“You look like a human, are dressed as a native, and yet smell like a Mah’tia monk. Who are you?” He bared his sharp teeth, challenging John’s presence.

John pulled his right hand out of his cloak pocket, palming a small metal disk. He held the hand out to he bartender. “My name’s John. Walter told me about this place. Said it was where to go if I wanted real Suulian food.”

The bartender took the offered hand after a moment’s hesitation. He did not acknowledge the disk, but visibly relaxed. His voice became friendly. “I’m Zithma. Where’s Walter these days? I haven’t seen him in a while.”

John dropped his gaze. “He’s sick. Pneumonia. Doc Shandler isn’t sure Walter’ll get better. Said a man his age usually doesn’t last long on this planet.”

“Walter’ll surprise you. This isn’t the first time he’s had pneumonia. Before you leave, I’ll give you something to take back to him. Care for anything?”

“Crusda steak and plenty of targ.”

Zithma pulled back, a look of surprise on his face. “You drink targ?”

John shrugged. “One of the Suulians at the camp had some. He offered me a drink. It was good.”

“Humans often complain that the stench makes them sick.” He was preparing the brew now, carefully scooping delicate florescent blue petals out of a trudan crystal jar into a mug.

Targ was often the only color visible in the eternal snow that was Terra Suul. The native wild plant grew on top of the snow, and needed neither sun nor dirt to grow. Terra Suul only saw the sun five weeks out of the year, and was never above freezing. The ground, when it could be found, was frozen and not very fertile. Targ was a perfect example of Suulian adaptation and evolution.

Zithma was pouring hot water into a cup, stirring slowly. The smell hit John as soon as the steaming water touched the first petal. To John, it smelled of earth and decaying trees. It brought to mind the many long nights he had spent in the forests of Thand, listening to the night creatures as they scuttled around, and sometimes in, his tent. John breathed the scent deeply, wanting nothing more than to drink the smell and let his memories come forth.

“What is that stench?” To other humans, targ smelled of death and decay, not of green growing things.

Zithma and John both sighed as the two men started in on the stench of targ. Zithma gave John a small smile and a sly look. “Ten to one it drives them out.”

John smiled but shook his head. “Only one thing will drive them out.”

“Another Mah’tia spell?”

“Last call.”

Zithma grunted and gave the other humans a dirty look. He didn’t like uninvited guests. He gave the two another look and turned back to John. “How long have you been on Terra Suul?”

John took a long slow sip of targ tea before answering. He let the rich earthy aroma invade his nostrils and inhaled deeply as the cooling light liquid danced over his tastes buds. The tea’s flavor reminded him of breathing through his mouth on cold mornings: icy but not numbing. The taste and flavor mingled together to remind him even more of his stay on Thand.

He placed the mug on the bar top, giving Zithma a faraway smile. “I’ve been here four months.”

“No human becomes acclimated to Terra Suul that quickly.”

John shrugged. “Perhaps I’m not human.”

“As I said before: you look human, are dressed as a native and yet smell like a Mah’tia monk. Care to explain?”

“Perhaps over some steak?”

“My cook heard your order.”

John nodded, satisfied. “My father gave a year of his life so that I could learn from the Mah’tia monks.”

Zithma blinked, not really believing this human. When a person gave a year of their life to the Mah’tia monks, the person actually died a year sooner than they should have.

“Why did he do this?”

“That is the first question I plan on asking him if I ever see him again.”

Although Zithma had seen and felt the spell John let loose, he still had a hard time believing the man. Life with the monks meant hard work and hard discipline. Humans, although great workers, often lacked a certain spiritual quality that aided the monks in their lives and spells. Zithma didn’t think John was lying; it was just hard to believe. Other questions floated to Zithma’s lips, but just then Fen came out with John’s food.

The room became very quiet when Fen stepped out. It was rare to see a female Suulian. They were not sheltered, but for the most part, they kept to themselves, wherever it was that the Suulians lived. It was also sometimes hard to distinguish between a male and female Suulian.  With Fen, it was obvious, and Zithma wished she had not come out. She usually stayed out of the main room, unless most of the customers were regulars. Zithma didn’t know what was going through his stubborn cousin’s head.

John was transfixed. The woman was beautiful. She was tall and sleek, covered in purple-stripped fur, much like Zithma’s. Unlike the bartender though, Fen’s fur was not as thick. Suulians had enough fur to keep relatively warm without clothing indoors. They usually only needed one fur coat to stay warm outdoors. John barely noticed her lack of fur though, as Fen’s yellow eyes held his green ones and seemed to look right through him, making his breath catch. Her look help him captive.

Fen walked around the end of the bar, behind the two drunken humans, her eyes still on John. As she walked by the men, one reached out to touch her. John was behind him and had him in a headlock before he even touched her. Zithma barely had time to move.

“Do not defile her with your filthy hands.” His voice was calm, low, and even.

“She’s a bar wench!” The man struggled futilely to get free.

John felt the balst stir in his pocket. Not wishing it to fully awaken, he picked up the drunk and carried him to the door. Zithma was already there, holding the door open. John threw the man into the snow. The other man followed them and was yelling obscenities and threatening revenge as he ran out the door to his friend. Zithma shut the door behind them and locked it. Regulars would know to knock.

John turned to find Fen giving him an odd look as she balanced his tray in her hands. “Thank you, but was it really necessary to throw them out?”

John regarded the two Suulians carefully, wondering how much he could tell them. “Yes, it was.”

Fen held his gaze, angry that this human had thrown out the other customers. “This is not your bar. It was not your place to do so.”

John bowed low to the woman, wondering how to appease her. “Your pardon, lady. Next time, should I let them assault and insult you?”

Fen, too angry to find words, hissed at him, slammed his food tray on the bar and stalked into the back room.

“That is the first time I’ve seen my cousin speechless. I didn’t thing it was possible.”

“I’m sorry if I offended her.”

“Why did you toss them out?”

“I have my reasons. Perhaps I will tell them to you one day.”

“Just not today?”

“I don’t know you.”

Zithma gave the human an odd look, trying to figure him out. Being closed mouth himself, he let the matter drop and walked back to John’s seat. As John came back to the bar, Zithma arranged the food for John, wiping up the spill his cousin created, then left John to his steak.

Once seated, John started in on the large steak. The crusda was the largest of the animals on Terra Suul. The animal had long thick, shaggy hair, and the snout was flat with broad nostrils. Otherwise, it reminded John and other humans of a polar bear. Its fur was great for cloaks, its meat was nutritious but only Suulians could hunt the creature.

Most of the time the crusda was very tame and would often wonder up to lost humans and Suulians and keep them warm until others arrived. There were stories that a few crusda’s had even led Suulians back to safety. Their tameness was the reason humans could not hunt the creature. The Suulians didn’t think it appropriate to kill a creature that walked right up to a hunter and sniffed their gun. The Suulians only hunted the animal during the warm season.

During the warm season the crusdas went into heat. The males became more aggressive and would often attack. This aggression grew as the days went by until the last week of the warm season. During this week, any male that had not found a mate would attack anything they saw, including the snow, and had to be killed.

The fur and meat stores were filled during this time, and rationed out in order to keep a nice supply in stock. This made it hard for new comers to buy the warm fur. John had traded a protective spell for his cloak.

After the first bite or two of steak, John realized it tasted familiar, but did not taste of any meat that he was used to. It was very tender and still pink in the center. The meat was not fatty, and tasted of the open flame it had been cooked on. He turned to Zithma as the Suulian emerged from the kitchen.

“You use targ wood for your oven.”

“Adds to the flavor. The meat itself doesn’t taste like much of anything.”

Zithma leaned against his side of the bar, and wondered at his instructions to Fen. He had asked her to prepare a drink for Walter, and told her to make one for John. Most humans did not get a taste until their third of forth visit, once Zithma decided if the person was to become a regular. Apparently some part of him had decided John was.

When Fen came out, John was once again transfixed. He watched as she gracefully glided behind the bar, carrying a tray with a glass mug and a canteen. Her long tail was swaying as she walked, almost hypnotizing John. The only difference was the look on her face. She looked angry. He half expected her to hiss at him again.

Fen set the mug and canteen down in front of him, being careful not to spill. She growled something to Zithma in Suulian then stalked out. John couldn’t help but watch as she left. He then turned his attention to the drink and watched as the liquid swirled in greens and blues. It continued to shimmer and shift even though nothing moved it. The steam rising from it in thin wisps caressed John’s face and tangled itself in his brown hair before fading to nothing. He could feel the heat radiating from it and moved to touch the glass.

Zithma placed a hand on his arm, stopping him. “Carefully.”

John had a hard time listening to the advice. He had yet to find anything on the planet that stayed warm very long. Even his tea and steak were lukewarm to cold. On a planet where almost everything was frozen and the wind usually blowing, even ovens needed constant care to stay warm. The trudan crystal mines where he worked were also rather cold, regardless of the heat the crystals generated.

John’s shaking hand reached for the mug. He wrapped his hands around it and let the heat burn his skin. He brought the mug close to his face and inhaled. The smell reminded him of the long days he had spent in his grandmother’s sunroom on Thand. The windows would often be left closed, making the room smell of heat and dust. The sun would shine through the tall windows, turning every dust mote visible.

He brought the mug to his lips, inhaling the liquid into his mouth. The odd brew spun over his tongue, teasing taste buds, warming them. It tasted of new spring days, endless and sunny. He swallowed and felt the heat travel down his throat into his stomach. John knew how to stay warm on this ice planet, with Mah’tia breathing techniques, but had not been comfortably warm in all his time on Terra Suul.

Now, he felt heat spreading throughout his abdomen, seeping into every corner of his digestive track. The more he drank, the more the heat spread. Soon, his skin was warming, and he actually felt as if he were sweating.

Halfway through the mug, he put the glass down. He removed his cloak and set it on the chair next to him. John, sweating just a little, his hands wrapped around the wonderful beverage. He smiled oddly, regarded Zithma calmly, then cocked his head slightly and glanced at his still steaming mug. He looked at Zithma, held the Suulian’s gaze for a long time.

“First timers are never served this.”

“No.” Zithma expected more questions, but John stayed silent, slowly sipping his drink. Zithma, unnerved by the unusual silence, started cleaning the glassed behind the bar. “You work for the mines, don’t you?”

John took his last sip of liquid warm and nodded.

“Why is it that you’re not covered in crystal shards?” Trudan crystals were attracted to warmth and attached themselves to anything that gave off even the tinniest bit of heat. Most of the mineworkers did not mind this, because the crystals gave off warmth as well as took it. Hard to get rid of, the miners soon stopped trying to brush the shards off. John had not a trace on him.

“I made my peace with this planet the first month I was there.”

“And that means-?”

“My first month on this planet was spent in a tent on the far side of the plateau.”

Again, Zithma had trouble believing him. Suulian’s could generally keep warm on their native planet. They were used to the climate and the fur help. A human out in the snowy wind, trying to stay warm? Not possible, unless…

“A crusda helped you.”

“I accepted the help of one toward the end of that month.” Revealing too much to anyone was never a good idea. John tried to distract Zithma. “What is that drink called?”

Zithma, more and more questions rising to his lips, bit them back. Fen was often like this about her stay on Mah’tia, although she had only been there for three years. Now, he had another enigma on his hands. However, being respectful of others wishes, Zithma let the subject drop and answered John’s question.

“Humans have given it two names. ‘Warm’ and ‘Curse’.”

“Appropriate.” John glanced down at the empty mug, still feeling the heat swimming through his veins. He was not a greedy man, but the warmth was intoxicating. “How many am I allowed?”

“You are allowed as many as any other human. One per day.”

John felt the heat within him, enjoying it, wondering how long it would last. “Why the limit?”

Zithma almost dropped the glass he was cleaning. He looked up at his new customer. “The first and last human who ever had two burned from the inside out.”

John considered those words. He held out his empty teacup. “I’ll just take more targ.”

Zithma smiled, liking the human more and more. He set about making more tea. “Wise choice, my friend. Welcome to Zithma’s.”

Time heals all wounds, but do we want it to?

Twenty years ago, I came to Rockford, IL from San Francisco, CA. I never thought I would be here this long. It was supposed to be a stop along the way.

Some stops are longer than others.

In my time here, I have met some great people, and spent most of those 20 years with jason ssg, my husband.

In those 20 years, I have also earned my B.A. in English, been diagnosed with MS and lost my husband of 19 years 2 months to kidney failure.

Either today or yesterday, I was thinking about the fact that I’d been here 20 years. I think, ‘Wow, it’s been 20 years’ and wonder not where the time went, but wonder when or if I will leave the area.

I lost my husband in May of this year, and often think, ‘Wow, it’s been 5 months’ and, ‘Wow, it’s only been 5 months’.

Time is odd.

It heals all wounds, but it heals all wounds. Sometimes, we don’t think we want our wounds healed.

20 years from now, I’ll still miss my husband, but I know, having already lost my dad, that sooner than I think, I won’t miss him everyday, and I won’t wish he were here everyday, sometimes every minute.

Time is a tricky little bitch, and I hate her.

Advice for the living

When my husband Jason died, there were many things I did not have to worry about. All our bills, our two vehicles, the apartment, were in my name. There were only a couple minor things I had to get changed into my name. This caused a very difficult situation to be not as difficult.

My husband’s death caused many of my married friends to talk about things they would not normally think about. Some have approached me for further advice. I willingly gave it. Another friend encouraged me to write things down so that maybe I can help others. Maybe even reach people I don’t know. So here it is. Advice on things you should talk to your spouse/significant other about in case something should happen to them.

1) Make sure your spouse knows all your passwords to your various social media, emails and other such things. I don’t and I am now afraid of what will happen to Jason’s Facebook page if I can’t get his password. I don’t want it deactivated due to inactivity. Such a small thing often feels huge during times like this.

2) If you pay all the bills, make sure your spouse knows how to access them and how/when to pay them. Are they emailed to you? Make sure your spouse sees them too. Also wouldn’t be a bad idea to talk to the companies that own your bills to see how difficult it would be to get everything switched into their name should the unthinkable happen.
That includes: car, loans, mortgage, utilities, EVERYTHING that has to be paid, or is in your name, make your spouse and you know the ins and outs of all the bills.

3) If something does happen, and you have to get the bills switched over, call the company at a time you’re feeling less terrible. Try not to cry. Have a friend there with you if that is needed. Do not tell them they have to help you. Say: My spouse died. The bill (mortgage, whatever) was in their name. What do I need to do to have it changed into my name?
I had to contact two places and they helped me over the phone. I assumed I would have to send something (death certificate) in. I did not. As I have worked customer care for years, I feel that my calm attitude, and the fact that I was asking for help, not demanding it, had a lot to do with the fact that we could take care of things over the phone.

4) Have extra death certificates. Hated having extra, still have a few too many, but you never know which companies will ask for one.

5) Jason and I did not have kids, so I can’t give any advice on that, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there was advice out there from a widow or widower that is also a parent.

6) Lastly. If you are a homosexual couple, I would imagine that there are far more things you have to worry about when your spouse dies, as the laws do not protect you yet. I have read a few heartbreaking articles on homosexual couples losing everything due to the fact that our laws in the States still suck for you guys. Find out how to protect yourselves legally to ensure that your things remain your things should your partner die. It is already a difficult thing when a spouse dies. Having the security of power of attorney may make things less horrid.

That’s all I have for the moment. If I have more, or if you have questions, I’ll add more. Peace and good health to all.

The Virus

The dinner party was going well. Everyone Joyce invited showed up and dressed formally, as the invitation suggested. Out of Joyce and Brad’s top floor apartment, the sunset could be seen over the lake. It was an incredible night, but it only depressed Molly. She sighed heavily as she felt a comforting arm slip around her shoulders.

“You’ve been quiet all night.” Wade said after he planted a small kiss on her cheek.

“I don’t get it, Wade. Why is this happening?”

“I don’t know. No one does, but it’s for the best.”

“Says who? The government? I don’t understand it.”

“The announcements said we would understand eventually.”

She turned on him and gave him an almost angry look. “How are we supposed to understand when we’ll all be dead by morning?”

He gave her an odd look, as if he didn’t understand her. “There’s no reason to be alarmed, Molly. They said so.”

She raised her eyebrows. She knew that people from small towns were normally a little more naive than those from a big city, but this was going too far.

“Wade? Who said so? The government? This is ridiculous. In about three hours, this town’s going to be overrun by the military who are going to release a virus into the air and kill us all. Not just the twenty of us in this apartment, but all of Lakeview. All 5,000 of us. And why? No reason. Or none that they’ll release on the news anyway.”

The faraway look he’d had on his face for the past week, since this all began, seemed to be fading. “But…”

“But what? I don’t want to die. Not without some sort of explanation, at least. Not without a medical reason. There’s been nothing, Wade. Nothing. And we’re just supposed to accept it and let it happen? I don’t think so.”

Joyce came over at that moment, holding a tray of hors d’oeuvres. “Crab cake?”

The look came back to Wade’s face as he turned languidly and started to reach for the tray. “Yes, thank you.”

“No!”

She answered louder than she meant, but she hated that look on his face. As Molly turned to Joyce to apologize, she realized that Joyce had the same expression. Molly looked around the room, at all the familiar faces, and realized that everyone had that same faraway, accepting look on their faces. This made her more worried than before.

“Joyce, do you really believe that we should just give up and die? Didn’t you and Brad purchase tickets for Europe for Christmas?”

“Sure we did! And we’ll be going…” The look slowly faded from blank acceptance to confusion. “Wait, the virus…”

When the tray fell to the ground it made a loud noise, and everyone turned to them. Brad came over, worried. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

“Brad, why are they releasing the virus? Why are we going to die tonight?”

Molly watched as his face went from faraway blank, to confident, to lost. “I…but…”

Brad turned and looked at the room of people, then beckoned to his older brother. After conferring with him, and getting the same type of response, Molly brought the rest of the people gathered up to date. After the initial confusion, Molly brought everyone’s attention back into focus.

“Listen! There has to be something we can do. We don’t need to die tonight.”

“But what can we do? All the news channels said this was going to happen, no matter what.” One voice offered.

“And the police are in on it.” another added.

Molly held up her hands. “We’re inside. Let’s focus on what we can do to keep the virus out. Is there any way we can do that? Think people!”

“OH! I bought a ton of that window sealer for the winter! You know, the plastic stuff? It was on sale three weeks ago. I bought way too much. It was such a good deal! We can put that on the windows. That’ll keep the air out.”

“And we don’t have central air, and the heat is a furnace. This is an old place. That means no vents.” Brad added.

“Ok, good. Let’s start with the windows in here and any others that face the streets. The military will be here soon. We don’t want them seeing what we’re doing.” Molly said with confidence.

“Why not?”

Molly looked to Joyce. “They’re the ones who are trying to kill us. We need to make sure they don’t know we’re resisting. If they find out, they may find another way to kill us.”

The others in the room all looked to Molly with wonder in their eyes. None had thought of that. Now that the thought was out, they all looked rather worried. Molly saw this and shook her head.

“Look, as long as we get this done before they get here, then we’ll be ok. Let’s get a move on.” She looked to Joyce. “How many hair dryers do you have?”

Joyce thought about it. “Two. One is brand new and the other doesn’t warm up all the way. Shouldn’t be a problem for sealing the plastic. You’re not supposed to use too much heat on that anyway.”

Molly clapped her hands once. “All right. Get those and the plastic. Let’s get started.”

Happily, her friends started moving, getting the place sealed up.

*****

An hour and a half later, they had all the windows done. They even managed to seal the front and back doors. They watched carefully from the front room as tanks and trucks filled with soldiers rolled through the small town, down Main St. They tried to look complacent. Tried not to seem too worried, but it was hard.

Molly suggested they move away from the windows and into another room. Out of habit, the women went to the kitchen, while the men strayed to the living room and turned on the TV. The news channels were encouraging the men and women watching to stay indoors and even go to bed. Molly, a drink for Wade in her hand, strolled in and frowned when she realized what the men were watching.

“What channel is this?”

He shrugged. “Not sure. One of the 24 hour cable news channels.”

“That’s the same news report I saw yesterday. I remember because of that spot on her shirt. No news anchor would be allowed to go on the air with a spot on their shirt.”

The men in the room stared at Molly in disbelief.

“It’s the same thing?”

“Yeah.” She held her hand out. “Give me the remote.”

Brad did so without a word. Molly flipped the channels around to different stations until she realized something scary: all the channels were showing the same news program. They didn’t even bother changing the ticker at the bottom or the station id. She stared at the screen for a moment longer, trying to find a station that didn’t show the same thing. When she didn’t find anything, she gasped.

“We need to stop this. There are 5,000 people in this town. We can’t let this happen.”

“But what can we do?” Came several cries.

Molly looked around the room until she found Joyce and Brad. “Call your friends and family in this town. Get them to do the same thing. If they can only seal up one room, tell them to do it.”

Everyone grabbed for their cell phones and tried to call out, but realized rather quickly that no one had signal. The panicky feeling in the room became palpable. Molly realized what was going on and whistled, loudly. People looked to her.

“All right. So we can’t do that and we can’t really leave, since the military will see us. What can we do?”

“What about the other people in this building? Should we get them?”

Molly checked her watch. People often made fun of her for still having a wide up watch, but at this point, she really appreciated having it. She didn’t trust anything electronic at this point. “We have a little over an hour. How many apartments in this place?”

Joyce answered. “Ten, but three of the couples are already here, leaving six. I’m not sure who’ll answer or even if we can convince anyone.”

“We can try. Those of you who live in this building, go try and convince your neighbors. One per apartment but take someone that doesn’t live here with you. We want them to understand that we’re not lying or trying to trick them.”

“Do you think that might happen?” Brad seemed confused.

“Think about how long it took all of us to come to our senses. And I hate to say this, but if you can’t convince them quickly, come back here. Since you have six apartments to cover and there are eight of you from this building in this apartment, we should be able to do this quickly.”

“What are the rest of us going to do?”

“Brad, you stay behind and help the rest of us find anything we can fill with water. We may be here a while. As long as they didn’t lie about when they’re releasing the virus, we should be able to get drinkable water from the tap.”

“You think we’ll be stuck here a while?”

“No idea, but I’d rather be prepared. Oh, and maybe whoever is willing to come here from the other apartments, get them to bring over any perishables. Be back in 40 minutes. That should give us enough time to seal the door again.”

That got everyone moving.

*****

“Sir? The reports you ordered.”

General Fisher looked up from the wall of monitors and nodded as he took the folder. “Thank you. Run down?”

“As you can see on the recordings, there were some that rebelled. The largest rebellion was located in 1313 Main St. Seems as if one of the people there figured out she didn’t want to die.”

“Any reason the serum didn’t work?”

“Molly Weber. Works in the city; long hours. She wasn’t as exposed as the rest, but once she decided not to listen, she was able to talk the others into rebelling as well. One of the tenets of 1313 Main is a good friend of hers. They were throwing a party to celebrate the end. There were a lot of people there and they all listened to her. They were able to convince most of the residence in that building to move into one apartment, which they were able to seal up.”

As the General continued to look at the screens and scan the report, he sighed. “What have we learned?”

“We may need to isolate the citizens next time, make sure no one leaves. Maybe tell them that they have to stay in their own homes and keep away from each other.”

“We’ll need a town that’s well away from any big cities. Maybe one we can quarantine completely.”

“We’re running those down now, sir. We should have a location within a week.”

“All right. Thank you soldier.”

The soldier saluted and left. General Fisher continued to stare at the screens. In a moment, he reached out and changed the feed, showing the aftermath of the experiment. The people of Lakeview were going about their business as if nothing has happened. Most of the citizens of the small Midwestern town would remember nothing.

Those that had rebelled were being detained and debriefed. Once they had all the information, those that rebelled would be given a shot to help them forget what happened. In a few days, Lakeview would go back to normal, and General Fisher would be able to go back to his plans with another town. Hopefully, the second town would not be as problematic.

Day 5 June 5, 2009

I’ve been so groggy; I didn’t even feel like writing until now. It’s 9:45am and I am hooked up to my last dose of Campath. Andy stuck me once and everything went fine.

I am exceedingly groggy due to the sleep meds from last night. Took it at 9pm. The nurses were adamant about making sure I did not take the meds until I was actually in bed, ready to sleep. So I got ready for bed, took the pill and got ready to sleep. Then my phone rings. Jason had a show last night, and was wondering if there was a speaker in the van, as he seemed to have lost one. Not sure if he found it, but I know it wasn’t in my van. Weird that a large speaker can disappear like that. Hopefully he found it.

After the phone call, I fell asleep, and didn’t wake until right before my alarm went off at 7am. Didn’t want to get up though. I felt like I could still sleep. Took a long time for me to get up. Went to breakfast, barely coherent, and noticed no yummy Indian food. L

I had scrambled eggs with Tabasco sauce (a little bit only) and potatoes. Nice and filling, but nothing spectacular. Still feeling half asleep, I wandered back to my room, slowly got ready and came here. I am still not sure I’m fully awake. Struggling a bit with mental facility. I will be napping.

I napped the whole time I was at the clinic. Andy stuck me once, they hooked me up to the IV, turned off the lights and I was out. The time went quick, due to sleeping, and before I knew it, I was done. Done, with my first year of meds.

It was anti-climactic.

Cathy came in around four and we talked about expectations and schedules. We will be talking every 2 weeks, and every four weeks I will be getting blood drawn. Luckily, there is a group that can come to Rockford and draw my blood from my home. Every three months, I’ll actually have to drive down to Northbrook for blood tests, but that’s not that bad.

Cathy gave me a list of my visits for the next five years. All listed out to the year 2013. When looking at the dates all written out, it makes me feel pretty good, because it shows that the drug company and the doctors and nurses in charge of this study want only to take care of the patients who have volunteered to test out this drug. I am very glad this is happening.

I’m in my motel room now, thinking on the past few days, wondering what the next few years are going to bring for me. I hope greatly that this treatment works for me as well as it has other MS patients.